The Voices I Hear

As a mother of seven I have become quite adept at tuning voices in or out at will. As a woman I have learned to follow several conversations at once. All of this has given me a skill, a super power if you will. I can hear the voices of people speaking a foreign language and know what they are saying (you can relax by the way, they are all talking bout me). My children will tell you a different story. They will say that I never hear anything, that I need my hearing checked. The truth is I'm usually just ignoring them. Can you blame me? There's a lot of them!

Living in New Delhi as an American who doesn't know a lick of Hindi would be frustrating for the average person. Luckily my super power allows me to understand what the people around me are saying. Of course, I pretend not to understand them in order to preserve my secret identity. Here are a few examples of what I hear when I am out and about.

The men selling me yogurt -

• What is she wearing on her feet?
• They're called Crocs, I hear they are very comfortable.
• I don't care how comfortable they are, she looks like an idiot! Who leaves the house like that?

The men at the dry cleaner -

• Awww shoot! I haven't even started this ladies clothes and she is here to pick them up!
• Tell her there was some kind of Holiday and she will have to come back tomorrow.
• Good one! No foreigner can keep track of our Holidays, there's too many of them.

The electricians "fixing" the short in my living room -

• Dude, did you see that football game last night? Liverpool got the snot beat out of them.
• No, I missed it. No TV.
• Me neither, but I was fixing some guys A/C who was watching it, so I took my time.
• I don't think you should be poking that screw driver into the wires like that, are you even an electrician?
• No. You?
• No. But it's way cooler in here.

Our driver to the person from whom he is getting directions -

• Man, you've got to help me! Is there a short cut to this address? These kids are so noisy I think I'm developing a tick, and see that little one? He gets car sick. I'm telling you he's going to blow any second! Please! Nobody should have to listen to the song "Banana Phone" this many times!

The Ladies in the park -

• Are all of those kids hers?
• Doesn't she know what causes that?